HOW TO DEAL WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE

HOW TO DEAL WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE!

So I got added to this group of just females which is meant to be an empowerment group. People are free to post whatever is bothering them. We have some people post about their marriage affairs, cheating spouses etc. They ask for advices and people give all sorts of advice. Sometimes I read and laugh, praying whoever did write the post doesn't take heed to their advice. For me, this is my own two cents about dealing with a cheating spouse.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY. 

Hey, no one knows your spouse as much as you do, no one knows where you tied your matter together. So don't feel like people will think you are letting him/her too easy bf forgiving immediately. It's your own spouse not the world's spouse. 

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO RUN MENTAL. 

That being said, you can go nuts for a short period of time. Just the day or the next after you find out, you can scream or shout the house down (so far the kids are not home). Be a drama queen for women. It's your prerogative. But don't overdo it before everyone thinks you are mad. 

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET.

People say oh, get yourself together, don't cry, don't let it get to you. Hello! Is it your upset? You can choose to cry as long as you want (not really, crying for 3 months continuously isn't a good sign). For the next few weeks you can be upset and moody. You can choose not to talk to the spouse or be nice to the spouse. It's your right. 

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE 

There is a saying that a woman should never move out of her home, that before she finished packing another woman moved have come to replace her. I laugh at this, if your spouse cheats and you decide you want a breather, and you find he has someone else in, then really the marriage was over a while ago. You are allowed to check in a hotel, a friend's house for a few days to think and decide your next move. So don't listen when people say never walk away from your home, you are the most important thing in all of this. Leave the spouse and the kids for a few days if it will make you feel better. If you feel you can take it anymore, you are allowed to walk away.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO PRAY (OR NOT). 

The average African will tell you to pray when you say your spouse is cheating on you. That a woman needs to hold her on. You will hear things like pray for him, pray for your home, pray for yourself, pray for patience. I do believing in praying but the true question is what do you believe. In the bible, the only grounds for divorce is infidelity so the fact people say pray till something changes really doesn't tally. So the decision to fast and pray for him/her is really your choice. You can choose to pray only for yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel bad if you don't go the prayer way. 

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT. 

People say don't discuss your issues. I'm not a firm believer of that, I'm not saying discuss with strangers but talk to people you know will give sound advice. Someone older, a married friend, your single friend who you know has your back, anyone who you think truly cares. When they advise you, listen and if their advise works for you, take it. I don't believe in bottling things up, it's going to kill you in the long run. Some people feel discussing issues makes you a gossip point, the truth is this is very possible but anyone who uses your misery to gossip really does have a problem, not you. So be free to vent. 

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STALK THE OTHER PERSON.

This I need to say, please and please for the sake of your dignity, don't stalk the other person. The person to face is your spouse. He/she was a willing partner so deal with him or her, not the other person. The only reason you can call or message is if you know the person, like the person is meant to be your friend or acquaintance and that's even a time limited thing. Give the person a piece of your mind ONCE and let it go. No need for drama. Anyone who is cheating with your spouse has no problem destroying your home so when you find out don't give them the pleasure of seeing you suffer.  

DO NOT CURSE YOUR SPOUSE. 

The words of the mouth are very powerful, as much as he/she hurts you, don't curse. You don't know where you guys will be in a few months. You may get back together so don't curse. This person is the father/mother of your kids so even if you never get back together, you don't want a cursed person raising your kids, do you? 

In all, you are the one who counts. Whatever you do is your choice not what you think society thinks is right. If whatever you decide is based on pressure from family, friends and society then you will be filled with regrets, hate and spite. In this decision, you are truly alone. 

Breathe, take it one day at a time. 

I do wish you well in whatever decision you make. 

xoxoxo 

FM