DEAR MEN!!!

DEAR MEN!!

Dear men, Yeah!! You!! Especially the African men. Most especially the Nigerian men, the Lagos boys!! Yes. I'm talking about you!! Stop 🛑!!! 

I look around and see our parents and I wonder where it all went wrong. We see our mothers living solely for their kids and God. No plans with their husbands. I see a lot of older women who can't for the life of them be bothered with their spouses. You hear " eh he has gone out again, I'm going out. There is food in the house" or the painful ones " he wasted his youth on those strays and expects me to sit with him now in his old age that he is sick. Never!!" We have our mothers who haven't been to Nigeria in years. They have relocated to "the abroad" or wherever their kids are. They haven't seen their spouses in years and grumble whenever he visits them. They have built a life that doesn't involve him. They are married but separated from the husband. 

This unfortunately is a trend I see coming up with the next generation, that is us. The ones who make it past 2 years (yeah half of the marriages don't last 5 years anymore). 

You see this pretty young thing (or not, the main thing is you sha saw her) and decide you want to marry her. She leaves everything, her father's house, name, friends and moves in with you and  becomes one with you. Carries the burden with you, adulting is very hard o. 

Then you decide that it's boring being faithful. The sex is the same. Things are monotonous. You start stepping out. Hook up master. Bad guy of the office. King of twitter and the snap. You slide into the DM of anyone that catches your fancy. You hang out after work, to avoid Lagos traffic, to chill with the boys. But in truth, you are hooking up with one broad with the wife at home sorting the kids and the home front. 

She finds out, throws a tantrum. You realised guys have mastered the act of making women look crazy, you act up. Blame her for getting fat, for not being fun enough, for not being acrobatic in bed. She blames herself. Tries to lose the baby weight, tries to becomes more social. Things are cool again. 

Then gbam, one day in going through your things while sorting laundry, she sees traces of you stepping! It hits her! We are repeating things again! this time the excuse is she is too in your face, she is choking you, you need space. 

Because she stays, you feel like the boss. You don't care anymore, she will always stay. Won't she? She loves the kids and I plenty. It becomes a cycle. 

Some wives become FBI tracing your every movement and account, some face church, some the gym. Others take the bull by the horn and pack up and leave, while some find solace in the arms of another man. Yepp. Eventually something's got to give.

You were raised with the idea that an African man isn't naturally monogamous. Lol. Sorry to say Total BS! When your African brothers are finding greener pastures, and the palli, overfaithful worries them. When old age has knocked on your door, you remember your vows but brother it's too late. 

Let me tell you, no woman wants to enter marriage with the thought that things will end soon. No woman wishes on her enemy the shame and betrayal of being cheated on. She will forgive you once maybe twice. But after that, she is just there physically, she begins the process of checking out emotionally then she is done. She will feed you, attend to your physical needs and all but she is gone from the marriage. She may be there because of the kids or for society or religion. She may or may not wake up one day and walk out on you. 

Quick test guys, to know if you still have a chance with your wife. Watch her for a day without her knowing it. 

Does she call you only to ask for things or about the home/kids? Does she give you the evil eye unknowingly? Without you even doing anything? Does she roll her eyes at the sound of your voice? Does she flinch when you hug her unexpectedly? Does she make plans without you? Does she still wait up for you? Does she still fight you? If you answered yes to all of the questions except the last two, then oga sir, ti e ba e (e don be for you).

It's all fun and games till you realize you destroyed your marriage. You say hey, I can get married again. But it's the same thing that will happen. You will end with 3 women and 11 kids. The painful is these girls have nothing to offer. They are willing to break your home. They see a man who has a wife at home who is making him who he is. Supports him, chooses his outfit. Then they "snatch" him and realize that he isn't much of a "cream guy" anymore. She becomes irritated with you, this isn't the guy she wanted. What happened to that guy. But by that time, she is now the Mrs and is stuck. So you are both in a loveless marriage. The former Mrs is living her life somewhere, somehow. Then the cycle repeats itself. See where the 3 wives and 11 children come into play?? 

So dear men, bad guys of Lagos. Don't be like them old men you see in ikoyi club, country club who resume there at 8 and stay till 11 because they have squandered their youth with the spares. Man up!! Marriage isn't just to breed and produce offsprings. It's a contract. Keep your own end of the deal and stop destroying your home because of distractions.