SINGLE MOTHERS
I admire single mothers. No matter hard much we say it's not, it's truly a man's world especially in Africa. Adulting is hard. Parenting is expensive and time consuming. Now doing it alone, is an Herculean task.
I have mentioned several times about my dream of having mixed race babies (thanks to the Capt, that dream didn't come true, I should get pikin 1 and 2 to start wearing contacts).
I believe this dream may have come from the fact I'm Yoruba. As a Yoruba girl when you get to a certain age and you are unmarried, you will hear "ti o ba marry, sha bi omo" meaning if you don't get marry, at least have a child. The Yoruba tribe believes that having a kid is very important. If you don't have the luck of getting married, oh by all means, do have a child "so you will have a companion in your old age". I have friends who are non-Yorubas who believe our parents are indulgent of promiscuity as it's a norm to see a single mother in her parent's house. Their families would have disowned according to their own culture. I digress, I digress. Forgive me.
So back to the Single Mothers. There are various reason why people are single mothers.
1. The ones who decided it was high time to have a child e.g. My mixed race baby dreams. I saw an acquaintance and the person with me mentioned "causally" that oh she is a single mum. I had a good laugh because if the person know this acquaintance, she would have realized that being a single mother probably was her choice. These ones, I respect. No drama, no issues.
2. The mothers who were in a relationship and got pregnant but things just didn't work out right.
3. The widowed mothers. Remember this, our Lord is the husband to the widows.
4. The separated or divorced mothers. Leaving your spouse is one tough decision. It involves leaving some form of certainty to uncertainty. It takes guts and courage. Turning a deaf ear to a lot of "well meaning" people about how God hates divorce. It involves plenty explaining to the little ones, drama with the family and in laws. Court cases. A special kudos to you baby girl.
5. The single mothers who were raped. When I hear stories like this, I wonder how these women can love their offspring, this is a reminder for the rest of your life of such a traumatic event. And knowing our culture women are blamed for rape. The Lord is with you.
6. Then we have the baby Mamas. Forgive my terminology, but that's how I can describe. There are two categories of baby mamas. There are the ones who get pregnant with a mission. The ones who expect something from the baby daddy i.e. The baby daddy should marry her despite not being in a relationship or marriage with the baby daddy. Or a mother who was in a relationship/marriage that has gotten so bitter that the child is a weapon. It's no longer about the child in the relationship, it's about you to use the child to hurt or get whatever they can from the man. I'm not talking about paying fees or the basics. Na. I'm talking about the ones who go all "akata" on the guy. This post isn't about you. No kudos to you jo!!
The reason for the post is to give Kudos to all the strong women out there. Doing their best to make sure their children get the best in life without or with minimal support of their kid's fathers. The women who have to double their hustle. The ones who put their hurt and pain aside and walk through bitterness to have a cordial relationship with their children's father for the good of the kids. Even the mothers in marriages who have to run the show like they are single parents. To the mothers whose spouses are working on the rig, or based on another country or state. To the women who are the breadwinners. God sees you and will definitely bless you abundantly. He will turn your pain and sorrow to joy. Know you always have someone to turn to.
To the baby mamas, let go of all the bitterness, you will only teach your child such. Children learn from observation, they will imbibe that bitterness and one day you will wonder where you went wrong. Let go and Let God.
On a final note, I'm of the school of thought that if you do get pregnant for a guy you are not dating, na scratch that, nor plan to get married to (i.e. you have proper plans with) then it maybe at your own risk. I maintain, I'm very pro-choice. People say contraception is a joint decision. I laugh at this, because as the woman, if he decides him no do again, you are left with the child for the next 18 years (at least that's when you can get your life back). So let's be wise women.
Ciao
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