The need for validation
A major problem with our generation, The generation X is the need for validation.
What is this validation thing? It’s getting feedback from others that “what I do and what I say matters to you. You hear me. You see me. You think of me. You thank me. You acknowledge my accomplishments. You appreciate my efforts.”
With this generation. You see me!! You acknowledge my accomplishments, you hear me are our major killers especially since the advent of social media. We flaunt what we don't have or can't afford ourselves. You see people who can't justify their income splurging wealth on frivolous things, just so the world sees and acknowledges their person. People with shady sources of wealth being out there, so you can think of them and strive to be like them. Why? Just for validation. But ask yourself, Sleeping with that funky, pot bellied old man just for a Gucci bag so you can join the "pepper them gang", "does it really worth it"? Being "a gay partner" with that rich man or woman when you know you are straight, so you can fly business class and drive the baddest cars to impress the world, is that really what life is about?
We do all sort of things, abandon our morals just for validation from our peers who truly don't care about you.
With relationships, one of the great things is you often receive a boatload of validation. “You’re so beautiful, so caring, so thoughtful, so smart.” Such recognition makes you feel terrific about yourself and your loved one who is so appreciative of your best attributes. But alas, when things then goes south, you now receive a boatload of non-validating comments. “You’re so needy, so selfish, so thoughtless, so dumb.” Your self-confidence plummets along with those loving feelings. When this happens, the next thing is usually to seek validation from something or someone else. It's human nature. The need for pay back when a partner cheats, is usually to prove to yourself (no one else) that you are still attractive and wanted by others. Some people hit the gym, for that "revenge body". I'm not saying it's a bad thing but if hitting the gym is solely for that, what happens when he/she comes back? You let go again. It's all part of needing validation.
Some people stay in abusive relationships because when things are good, their partners "shower them with all sorts of gifts", they feel this justifies their pain. Some stay in relationships and marriages because being in one, validates them as a person. This holds true mostly for women. Some people have this notion that a woman's achievements isn't complete except she is married.
Validation is an integral part of the human existence, it falls under one of the Maslow's hierarchy of need (the psychological needs). Where we the generation X have gotten it wrong is we don't actualize our basic needs first before we jump to the next step. We want to fly before crawling!!! God help us.
At some point, we need to break out of this cycle and realize you don't need anyone to validate. You need to grow up and realize that, though what people say or do matters, it shouldn't consume or control your life. What truly matters and what is important is, how you think of yourself. " You is kind, you is pretty, you is wonderful". Be who you want to be not what you think the society expects you to be. Don't go with the crowd. There can only be one of you!
Stop the cycle of nonsense, validate yourself, work on yourself to be the best you can be not what "the pepper then gang" thinks you should be.
Live for you!! YOLO
XOXOXOXO
FM
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