IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS: DEFINING HAPPINESS

In pursuit of happiness: Defining happiness! 

So I'm a self-acclaimed life coach! Sue me if you don't think so! 

I have a few friends I "intervene" in their lives, even if they don't need or solicit my advice. 

So I have this friend who I call a spend thrift. Our conversations usually go this way. 

Oga: Aunty! I just saw this TV and I need to buy it. 

Me: need or want. 

Oga: whatever. 

Me: what happened to your old tv. You rarely watch it na. It's even a smart TV so you can't claim it's old model.

Oga: The old one will go into my room. 

Me: what's the price 

Oga: lol! You will scream if I tell you. Oya o!! Don't shout o! 

Then he goes on to tell me a ridiculous price. Then I scream and start preaching about vanity and learning the differences between needs and wants. 

This dance, we do with a new wristwatch, perfume, money spent on whatever. 

Recently we had a sit down and I had to ask him. I'm like what's really going on. You are spending faster than you are making money and I know you make way more than most people. 

His response was I'm not happy. I'm trying to make myself happy. 

This made me ask the same question the best girl keeps asking whenever someone says this. What is your definition of happiness?? 

 And at that point, I get the same response from most people. Static silence. 

We keep going on and on about how truly we are unhappy but the question is what is your definition of being happy. 

We buy frivolous things to make ourselves happy. This "happiness" is very short lived. It usually lasts a few minutes then you think of the cost and what other relatively useful things you could have used the money for, especially if it's a ridiculous price. As much as you want to deny it, this is the absolute truth. This holds true for frivolous things. That expensive bag, watch, shoe. 

Thankfully, my own idea of making myself happy is making myself comfortable! So that new bedsheet or duvet cover makes me happy. I'm also part Ijebu (although I swear I'm more Ijebu than my mum) so I can't justify a lot of expenses. As always I digress, forgive me. 

Back to the question! What truly is happiness??? 

You need to know what it truly means before you can say you are unhappy. Most times you have a void in your life and the fact it's there, you find a way to fill it. Sometimes and mostly, it's with destructive behavior. Alcohol, hopping from bed to bed, smoking, drugs, retail therapy. But after all of this is done, you feel good for a few minutes, maximum a few hours or days then BAM!! Back to that empty filling. 

So I will say to you as I say to many people. Define what your happiness truly is, it's not the same for everyone. My happiness maybe to be comfortable in life and have peace in all aspects of my life, the best girl's might be to be a serial killer, the man down the road might be being the next president, for some it's to get a roof over their head. 

Happiness isn't a permanent thing. I believe it's a transient thing. At every point in your life, what you define as happiness changes. And the older you get, the more elusive that happiness (especially as a young adult to a middle age adult). This is the time you need to define yourself, to make your name known, to prove who you are, especially to yourself. So that "unhappiness" might just mean you are not doing that. 

We also tend to "put our happiness" in the hand of others. We believe people or things are responsible for our happiness. I'm not happy because of my spouse, because of my job, because of this and that. 

We tend to hear this. He/she isn't as much fun as before. I don't love this person anymore. I want to leave this relationship. I'm not happy! How sure are you that the person who is making happy now won't stop making happy a few years down the line. How sure are you that your spouse is happy too? How sure are you your boss isn't tired of you but doesn't want to take away your daily bread? Buying that car, that bag or that shoe, won't make you truly happy. Whatever feeling it brings is only short-lived. 

Stop believing someone or something has to be there for you to be happy. Find your focus and your own happiness. 

Learn to focus on the positives in your life and be thankful. I tell people, find peace and all you seek will follow (Find your inner chi!!! lol, I'm trying to sound exotic). Don't stir the hornet's nest every time and expect "happiness". Know yourself, what you trying want then you can decide if you are happy or not!!

In the words of one of the best girls, we should all pursue joy. Happiness is short lived, eternal joy is essential. In pursuit of the temporal happiness, a number of us cause more problems for ourselves because of 3 mins of madness or what we call filling the void. And it becomes a vicious cycle of trying to patch the exterior while the interior rots away. So define your happiness and live YOUR purpose ... 

SHALOM

XOXOXOXOXO