This is an old post of mine on Facebook. I'll just post it here as a way to kick things off.
These are my views on marriage. This is my take on my generation on this thing called marriage.
First of all let me digress and say my view on my generation. We are a selfish and self centred generation. I'm talking of the generation of people that are in their thirties. It's all about me. I can't blame us. Most of us have very few dependents. We finished school. Got jobs. I'm talking of people that finished uni between 2000-2006. The relatively lucky ones. The era of the new generation banks, communication industries. These jobs paid well. Then we earned big money. Got good pay, era of bank loans. We were relatively comfortable. Our parents still worked. We had free accommodation, free food, we were not training anyone. So my money is my money. We got out of school young, 21-23. Who wants to marry at that age. 😒.
So we live life. Party hard. Pop champagne. Travel the world.
Then we hit 26ish for girls, 28-30ish for guys and it's time to tick the next box to which is marriage. We date people. Find someone. Maybe the right person, maybe not (that's a story for another day). Then the drama starts.
As I said we are a selfish bunch. So we fail to realise marriage comes with hard work. It's a matter of giving and sharing. No one wants to be submissive anymore. I don't blame us. We work long hours. I will now come home to someone who wants freshly made stew. Nne, bros, cook yaself. That aside. We are used to living for us alone. So we marry and forget things change. Guys still party like 1999, the girls still want the courting period of dates, gifts, the whole fairy tale. And most importantly we have a back up plan. It's not a do and die and affair. If it ain't worth it, I'm walking away. There is usually someone "we can run to" in our minds (that is total bs, you are only attractive because you are out of reach).
Anyways we start the journey with a back up plan. When it gets too hot. We jump ship. We are not ready for nonsense. A whole graduate, foreign graduate sef. What nonsense. With a good job, relatively good pay, fine person. My father's house is still there. I can't come and die. And our parents knowing what they went through, won't judge us. Some of them really shouldn't have stayed in those marriages.
What we fail to marriage as beautiful as it is, it really is a lot of work, tolerance and prayers. As i tell newly weds; There will be bad days, but I pray for you the good days outnumber and outweigh the bad. It's not for when it's bad I bounce. I'm not saying if you are married to the devil, stay o. If it's an abusive relationship (physical, emotional) or a very bad marriage. Nne, it's not worth it (it doesn't worth it). Bounce. But for the ones that can be worked on. Stay. Truthfully our folks had it worse especially our mothers. Now we deal only with husbands and maybe mother-in-laws for the women. Then it's was plus aunties, siblings etc.
I'm saying we need to step back, evaluate things and learn to work on ourselves before we marry. If you are married, ask yourself before I take this crazy decision. Is this because I know I have a back up plan?
Truthfully as I said its my own view on things. I say to a lot of people. I'm probably still married because of my age when I got married. I married straight out of uni. Which is strange because for me, marriage wasn't a necessity. I wanted to get married at 30. If I wasn't married by 32, I planned on ivf and having mixed race babies. I guess my mother's daily rebuking of my wish paid off. Lol. So imagine if that plan came, and anything happened, I would have walked out. I can imagine getting married at this age, I'll be stuck in my ways. I won't take nonsense. Now I'm a veteran, 9 years, so I can overlook some things.
I pray for wisdom for all of us. Too many marriages crashing in a year or two. Let's make things work.
FM
These are my views on marriage. This is my take on my generation on this thing called marriage.
First of all let me digress and say my view on my generation. We are a selfish and self centred generation. I'm talking of the generation of people that are in their thirties. It's all about me. I can't blame us. Most of us have very few dependents. We finished school. Got jobs. I'm talking of people that finished uni between 2000-2006. The relatively lucky ones. The era of the new generation banks, communication industries. These jobs paid well. Then we earned big money. Got good pay, era of bank loans. We were relatively comfortable. Our parents still worked. We had free accommodation, free food, we were not training anyone. So my money is my money. We got out of school young, 21-23. Who wants to marry at that age. 😒.
So we live life. Party hard. Pop champagne. Travel the world.
Then we hit 26ish for girls, 28-30ish for guys and it's time to tick the next box to which is marriage. We date people. Find someone. Maybe the right person, maybe not (that's a story for another day). Then the drama starts.
As I said we are a selfish bunch. So we fail to realise marriage comes with hard work. It's a matter of giving and sharing. No one wants to be submissive anymore. I don't blame us. We work long hours. I will now come home to someone who wants freshly made stew. Nne, bros, cook yaself. That aside. We are used to living for us alone. So we marry and forget things change. Guys still party like 1999, the girls still want the courting period of dates, gifts, the whole fairy tale. And most importantly we have a back up plan. It's not a do and die and affair. If it ain't worth it, I'm walking away. There is usually someone "we can run to" in our minds (that is total bs, you are only attractive because you are out of reach).
Anyways we start the journey with a back up plan. When it gets too hot. We jump ship. We are not ready for nonsense. A whole graduate, foreign graduate sef. What nonsense. With a good job, relatively good pay, fine person. My father's house is still there. I can't come and die. And our parents knowing what they went through, won't judge us. Some of them really shouldn't have stayed in those marriages.
What we fail to marriage as beautiful as it is, it really is a lot of work, tolerance and prayers. As i tell newly weds; There will be bad days, but I pray for you the good days outnumber and outweigh the bad. It's not for when it's bad I bounce. I'm not saying if you are married to the devil, stay o. If it's an abusive relationship (physical, emotional) or a very bad marriage. Nne, it's not worth it (it doesn't worth it). Bounce. But for the ones that can be worked on. Stay. Truthfully our folks had it worse especially our mothers. Now we deal only with husbands and maybe mother-in-laws for the women. Then it's was plus aunties, siblings etc.
I'm saying we need to step back, evaluate things and learn to work on ourselves before we marry. If you are married, ask yourself before I take this crazy decision. Is this because I know I have a back up plan?
Truthfully as I said its my own view on things. I say to a lot of people. I'm probably still married because of my age when I got married. I married straight out of uni. Which is strange because for me, marriage wasn't a necessity. I wanted to get married at 30. If I wasn't married by 32, I planned on ivf and having mixed race babies. I guess my mother's daily rebuking of my wish paid off. Lol. So imagine if that plan came, and anything happened, I would have walked out. I can imagine getting married at this age, I'll be stuck in my ways. I won't take nonsense. Now I'm a veteran, 9 years, so I can overlook some things.
I pray for wisdom for all of us. Too many marriages crashing in a year or two. Let's make things work.
FM
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