On becoming Toke

My views on the whole Toke Makinwa saga. 

There has been a lot of raucous about the book "on becoming Toke"

First let me start with my views on Toke. The first time I ever noticed her was in 2011 in her interview with VicO. A friend of mine is obsessed with her so I was more interested in VicO than I was in her. Over the years noticed she was rather superficial with changing accents. I'm like of the typical Nigerian OAPs. Then noticed her attitude. I'm like this girl is rather dramatic with histrionic personality traits. I'm a psychiatrist, labeling people is my job and that was the end of it with her. 

One day I heard her story of how her parents died in a fire. For the first time I was impressed with her. As a shrink, she has predisposing risk factors for a whole lot of mental illnesses. In an American movie, they start this story of how a child lost his/her folks. Then 20 years later we see if it's a boy he is a serial killer/ addict/ in jail. A girl would be into prostitution and living off the streets. But Toke rose through that and is doing relatively well. I definitely was always ready to forgive her excesses. It is understandable. Walk an inch in her shoes, you probably won't do a quarter of what she has achieved. 

So we heard of how she go married, the marriage ended and she went quiet. Spoke about it briefly. There was a lot of banter. She deserves it, she doesn't bla bla. 

Fast forward a year later she drops a book and the world (Nigerians) go mental. How dare she spread her dirty linen in public. It's her fault; she should have prayed. Bla bla bla 

Let's go into the matter.

Toke is human. Let he without sins cast the first stone. She isn't the first person to date a person who is absolutely wrong for her. If you haven't or don't have someone close to you who hasn't done such, raise your hand let me sound you for being a liar or being naive. Toke after a few years hung onto the relationship hoping he would change. This is very human. We all have that friend, husband, brother, sister, parent we hope will change one day. If I stay maybe he/she will change. So she was no different.

She got married and thought it will change. You go how will she have been so stupid. If you haven't heard marriage changes you before then you are living under a rock. We are taught to believe with marriage comes responsibility thus change. So hey she fell for it. I don't blame her.

Finally she dared to speak rather write. Throwing blames. This is the biggest lie of all. Toke decided to write to prevent people from making the same mistake (and make money by the side, go girl). She wanted her voice to be heard. Not play the victim. Her side should be known. It wasn't a blame game. She owned up to her mistakes. She held on to the pain and hurt. She realised she probably shouldn't have married him. But it's her own view.

I give kudos to Toke Makinwa on writing the book. 

If you are hurting no need to hide and pray it all away. So times you need to become you and let your voice be heard. 

Become you

XOXOXO

FM