THIS MARRIAGE THING

DEAR SINGLE LADIES I'm sure you will be wondering why I have 2 posts for women. Well I'm a woman and I know how we think. I can't think for men so I only write my opinion.  Today is for the single ladies! All the single ladies. Lol. Not all just some, majority of the single girls in my dearest Lagos and Nigeria These are my thoughts, the dearest men you chase after and the older generation.  Being single isn't a crime. Honestly I mean it, if you haven't found the right guy no need to run around looking for "The One". Being single may be scary, no one to run to in time of need, no one to talk to through out the night, but being single doesn't mean you will die. It's best to be single that to be in a wrong relationship. There is no need running from pillar to post, from church to church, one baba to another Alfa.  When entering a relationship, do so with the belief that it may not lead to marriage. There are some pe...

DEAR MARRIED WOMEN.  So it won't be that I attacked men last blog post (read here)  http://thismarriagething.blogspot.com.ng/2017/01/dear-men.html?m=1  and left the women.  Today I come for the married women!!! It's a rather long read. I'm a woman and I understand the working of women better than that of men and I obviously have heard more stories of women's vices.  Dear Married woman,  Yes, you, custodian of the ring! From Miss to Mrs.  You left the singlehood last week and you wake up and start advising your single friend on how to act right in order to snap up a man. If I hear. Because you have a ring on your finger does not make you more responsible or more righteous than the single girl next door.  Or you say, oh I don't hang with single people so they don't corrupt me. Hello!!! Are you so gullible that the next person can influence you?  Then you believe everyone is out to get your man. Any female around him beco...

DEAR MEN!! Dear men, Yeah!! You!! Especially the African men. Most especially the Nigerian men, the Lagos boys!! Yes. I'm talking about you!! Stop 🛑!!!  I look around and see our parents and I wonder where it all went wrong. We see our mothers living solely for their kids and God. No plans with their husbands. I see a lot of older women who can't for the life of them be bothered with their spouses. You hear " eh he has gone out again, I'm going out. There is food in the house" or the painful ones " he wasted his youth on those strays and expects me to sit with him now in his old age that he is sick. Never!!" We have our mothers who haven't been to Nigeria in years. They have relocated to "the abroad" or wherever their kids are. They haven't seen their spouses in years and grumble whenever he visits them. They have built a life that doesn't involve him. They are married but separated from the husband.  This u...

TO STAY OR LEAVE!  Being a veteran in marriage for my age as I have been married the longest amongst my friends. This is strangely amazing as I always assumed I'll get married around 32 or be a single mum to mixed race twins via ivf.  Anyway I digress, a regular conversation I have with people is how tired they are of their marriage and how they want to walk away from it all.  Usually my first question is does he/she (yes! A she can be the abuser, check my last post) abuse you? Physically, emotionally, sexually or even financially. If the answer is yes to any of these, then my response is run as fast as your legs can carry you.  But most times the answer is no. The usual answers are there is no more love between us, he/she cheated, I'm just fed up.  So I'll address this individually in different posts. There is no more love between us. He/she isn't the person I married. The fact is marriage is different from just dating where you can come...

CONNED BY THE SPOUSE Hello from the other side!!! What do you do when you marry someone and find out they are not who they portray themselves to be?  Today we talk about Esther who wants to know what to do as she has discovered she was conned by her husband.  Esther was born into a Christian family. She is a God fearing and devout Christian. She is also a member of the work force in her church. Being a worker, she tends to meet a lot of people in church and she is part of the ushering team.  One day, Esther meets Mr A who seems like a nice guy and had only recently started attending her church. He would attend services some weeks and then some weeks, he would go mia (missing in action). One Sunday, Esther jokingly harasses him about not attending church regularly. Mr A says he is an oil worker who works on the rig so his job involves rotation. Mr A asks for her number and they keep in touch.  Mr A starts calling regularly. He then asked Esther out o...

THE CASE OF CRAZY MARY!! ADVICE PEOPLE Good day people,  Today I'm here to ask for advice on behalf of a dear friend.  This is the story of my friend who has permitted me to share his story as he is very confused to say the least. My friend; let's call him Nick. Let me give you a quick back ground on Nick. He is a young up and coming guy. Doing relatively well, good job, mama's boy sort of. He lives alone.  Nick meets this young girl let's call her Mary. Mary is a "good" girl. Just finished university. So she is young.  Nick likes Mary, the chase is on. Mary says she only wants a serious relationship. She isn't into the Lagos hook up thing. Nick decides to date Mary and be as committed as he can be. Lagos boys.  Things are going well with the usual hitches in any relationship. He however notices Mary is a tad bit intense. She  calls about 6-8 times at once. She rants and raves when he finally picks up the phone. She goes through h...