DEAR MARRIED WOMEN

DEAR MARRIED WOMEN. 

So it won't be that I attacked men last blog post (read here) http://thismarriagething.blogspot.com.ng/2017/01/dear-men.html?m=1 and left the women. 

Today I come for the married women!!! It's a rather long read. I'm a woman and I understand the working of women better than that of men and I obviously have heard more stories of women's vices. 

Dear Married woman, 

Yes, you, custodian of the ring! From Miss to Mrs. 

You left the singlehood last week and you wake up and start advising your single friend on how to act right in order to snap up a man. If I hear. Because you have a ring on your finger does not make you more responsible or more righteous than the single girl next door. 

Or you say, oh I don't hang with single people so they don't corrupt me. Hello!!! Are you so gullible that the next person can influence you? 

Then you believe everyone is out to get your man. Any female around him becomes the enemy. Even friends he has had for years. I use myself as an example, I grew up with boys. I tend to have more male friends. When my male friends start dating seriously, I meet the person. I become friends with her so it doesn't seem like I'm a threat. I hang out with them if possible, have their numbers. I go to their house with my kids.

A single friend Vina was staying with her married friend, Pearl, because of the distance to work and her place. Vina's married colleagues one day sat her down and formed a circle (typical African women drama) around her and started blasting her for the inappropriateness of the situation. Miss Vina felt so bad that she called Mrs Pearl to apologize and moved back home to face a 3 hour journey daily. It was Mrs Pearl's mother who called Miss Vina to please move back to her friend's place. They had been friends from secondary school. This is the typical working of married women in Nigeria.

I'm not saying there are no husband snatchers but please don't assume the worst of everyone. You will just die young or end in my workplace (Yaba left).

That is the first part of my story. To the 2nd part and the part most married women refuse to believe rather never want it said.

You have the mentality of it's not a do or die affair in marriage. If my mr oga isn't good enough, there are a lot of fish in the market. 

You prayed to God daily to marry, you finally marry and don't want to change. Still want the long human hair, nails, designer bag patrol that you cannot afford. Mr Oga is a struggling man (you saw that, na you wan marry potential because you were desperate). You see your friends in nice houses, good cars, going for holiday, regular dates with their Mr. You now start harassing mr oga who works in a small company managing his 250k/month, disturbing the poor man. Why can't he be like the other husbands, he needs to work harder. What you fail to realize is that your dearest friend whom you are envious of has been married for 5-7years. When she just got married, she lived in a 2 bedroom on the outskirts of the state, without sofas or any other furniture apart from the bed and wedding presents. But you now see her in a duplex in a good location in town and fail to realize it took 6 years to get where she is. 

I digress, back to disturbing oga for the luxuries of life. He strives hard to make you happy. Does extra deals on the side, gets home late because he just wants to be able to give his beloved wife a trip to Dubai. Being the ignorant person (ignoramus) you are, you say he doesn't have time for you, he's staying out late and accuse him of cheating on you. For you it's a tit for tat. You then remember that ex who left because he wasn't ready to marry or that aristo of yours from back in the day, or that boss that has been flirting with you. Ta! God is judging you. You now start frolicking around with him. 

You then start making excuses and justifying your nonsense. I'm giving you side eye. 

My dearest oga finds out, to hide the shame (guys are very ashamed when their spouse cheats, forget what everyone says that he will chase you out), he keeps quiet and tries to sort it out. As a friend once said, if I find out my wife is cheating, I'll beg her and ask what I have done wrong. There is a school of thought that when women cheat, they do so because their husbands have failed to provide them something (love, attention or money). Unknowingly to him that is the biggest mistake because that empowers you, you wake up thinking he is your mugu. You now start acting up. You find women like you, who will justify your actions. You form a clique with these women. Party hard, borrow money to keep up with the Jones's. Start dating different Alhajis. Married aristo aka married ashana just to live that lie. 

The poor man keeps trying to make up and meet your standards. He gets a loan, builds a small house on the outskirts but hey it's not enough.

 After a while he realizes he is married to the devil (yes you are the devil) and he leaves. Your true evil now comes out, you drag him to court. Demand for every single thing he worked; you want the house, 2 trips abroad yearly, high end schools, you want 500k monthly for upkeep considering he doesn't earn up to that and he still has the mortgage to pay off. Did I mention you earn 150k as a civil servant. Even the judge that is sitting on the case is shaking head for you. You use the kids as a weapon; turn them against him. Sigh.

The worst of the married women are the serial cheaters for no reason. You have a decent home, a good husband, beautiful kids but you get bored of it all or maybe Mr Oga made mistake and cheated once. You want that toy boy or that office fling. Fortunately for you, your husband will rather die than believe you are cheating. His beautiful wife, na, she is in the choir, she can't do such. Every Saturday you go do your hair and nails. The salon is always packed and it takes you 5-6 hrs. Yea, we know your type, your salon is in Brother Paul's room. 

You think men are cheats! Mr Oga, women are just the smoothest of criminals, you just can't catch her. I remember reading an article that Nigerian women are the most promiscuous of all and I laughed. The older I got, the more I began to realise this to be very true. Women from my dear state (not Lagos o, I refuse to shame my state by naming it) have been termed the most devious of women. They tend to marry a lot, I refuse to believe sha. I have only one husband so I don't know what they are talking about. 

In the end of all this rant, Marriage is hard, no two marriages are the same. Never compare your spouse to someone else. Learn to live within your means and bring something useful to the table. Make yourself very useful and indispensable to the spouse so he knows if he loses you, he has lost the best thing that happened to him.  Don't be a liability or a figure head in the home.

Ask the capt, he knows I'm the best thing that happened to him and he can't function without me (literally). 😃😃😃😀😀😀

You have to make it work. 

FM

Xoxoxoxoxo