DEAR SINGLE LADIES

DEAR SINGLE LADIES

I'm sure you will be wondering why I have 2 posts for women. Well I'm a woman and I know how we think. I can't think for men so I only write my opinion. 

Today is for the single ladies! All the single ladies. Lol. Not all just some, majority of the single girls in my dearest Lagos and Nigeria

These are my thoughts, the dearest men you chase after and the older generation. 

Being single isn't a crime. Honestly I mean it, if you haven't found the right guy no need to run around looking for "The One". Being single may be scary, no one to run to in time of need, no one to talk to through out the night, but being single doesn't mean you will die. It's best to be single that to be in a wrong relationship. There is no need running from pillar to post, from church to church, one baba to another Alfa. 

When entering a relationship, do so with the belief that it may not lead to marriage. There are some people who once a guy says hi they have started planning the wedding. Na! Baby girl, there is no need for that. When you do, you become unnecessarily clingy, fail to see the cracks and see what you want. You will see a prince in shining armour instead of the demon child that he really is. Shine your eye well well, marriage is hard!!! No point spending 5-10m on a wedding that will crash in 6 weeks, people will vex and come and return the aso-ebi and collect their money. 

You must also have something to contribute to the relationship, don't be a chewing gum girl. Sharwama today, cold stone tomorrow, Chinese the day after. You are not a god that needs to be appeased with sacrifices. It's a two way thing, he spends, you spend. Don't demand, he isn't your father, you want to buy hair, buy bag, buy cloth. Guys respect women that don't beg (it's begging in case you don't know). He should do things for you without you asking, not that once you see a man he automatically turns to your ATM. One guy told me of a girl who asked him to chip in for her rent the first week of meeting her and because of that, he never spoke to her again. She might have just been trying her luck, but to him that was just the height. Rent lohun lohun, because he is the one who sent you to rent house abi?? Na babes, that's disrespectful to yourself because he would never see you as a serious person. To you, it's cool, it's what's going on out there. It's all fun and games till you call his phone one day and you see Ada sharwama, Bisi rent. 

Being in a relationship or getting married isn't your way out of suffering. If given the option no one will reject having someone to cater for their needs, even men. Hello, who came to this world to suffer? Definitely no one, I'm sure if it are possible for a man to bat his eyelids to get money from someone else, he would willing do it. Don't enter a relationship to become a liability to that person. 

Aunty single girl, pls and pls, trapping a man (single or married) by getting pregnant is so 1800s. This is very controversial and it will be a topic on its own, but I have always had the belief that a woman who chooses to have a child, should be able to raise her child on her own especially if you are not married to the said person. I'm very pro-choice even though it's illegal in our society. Some people say it's a joint responsibility for the couple to use protection, I say it's the woman who will deal with the repercussions for the next 19 years, or the rest of her life. So either you protect yourself or if it occurs, and you choose to keep it, have it at the back of your mind he might not be there. 

Now to the main gist, my dearest pastor said this in church one day and I found it to be true. All the single ladies keep praying, Father, pls give me my own Pastor Sam. He said you said a finished or rather an ongoing project of 20 plus years and want it. Not knowing where Pastor Sam started from with his wife. That if God gives you your own pastor Sam from 20 years back, can you take or manage it. The pastor Sam with no car, no job, who lived in a rundown part of Lagos? 

You see married men, you will start by saying oh you just want to be friends, he gets you, he can motivate you, then you start chasing him, calling him at odd hours, inviting him over. Most times, the wife looks the other way, ignores your existence; someone once said he who strays will eventually return. She has the house, the ring and the name, you can only try but when he is done with you, he would dump you like a piece of garbage that you are and come back home. Very few men leave their wife and kids to move in with the side chic. Ask around, he has been trying to leave her for years because she is crazy, wicked etc. All lies, you will realise you have spent 10 years of your life waiting for him to leave. And even if he leaves her, your side chic slot just opened up, so its return to sender things aka karma. So my darling, when you see a married man, no matter how attractive he is, flee. I always ask, how would you feel if you were the wife or if your daughter was the wife. Did I hear you say God forbid? Then stay clear of that eye candy of a married man even if he is the one doing the chasing. 

As an older lady said, why rush into something if you have waited this long? If you are older and you want to settle down, best do it right. Don't jump all the way to option z just because you want the title Mrs. 

So to the dearest single girl hustling it out there, actually talking to mostly the under 30s who are trying so hard to settle, be wise. Don't throw yourself under a bus just to get married. I keep saying this, marriage is hard work. If you wonder why I said under 30, it's because once you cross 30 for both sexes, the pressure to marry reduces from the people. Your family keeps praying but think it's best they just let you be and hope for the best. Once a while they bring it up but find out the pressure isn't as much as when you are in your late 20s. Some people become more sensitive to the fact, you are not playing around. Once you hit 35, my people will tell you to have a child. 

PS. My proof reader is single. Her response to my post.

PR: You didn't do justice to the single ladies. You were harsher with men and married women.

PR: You didn't talk about the ones that start to settle and follow married men as justification 

PR: Well... blanket.   It's a choice to be single don't blame or inflict pain on others 

FM: ha! They will now say I'm judgmental because I quick marry 

PR: Shio! 

You may say I talk this way because I'm married but for me, marriage wasn't a priority, I wanted my mixed race kids if I didn't get married. That was more of a priority for me (I think that's the Yoruba gehl in me), there is a saying ti o ba ti e marry, sha bi omo (even if you don't get married, have a child). Yorubas believe that in future that child will be your company. 

Finally, being married is not an accomplishment. It doesn't make or break you. We all pray we get married but sometimes not everyone is lucky. Live life, Be you, Enjoy the freedom and the perks. While waiting for the one, work on yourself, build a business, travel the world. Slay while you await your prince and if he doesn't come, be your own prince!!