THIS MARRIAGE THING

THE IN-LAWS This post was brought about by a recent argument with the mothership. She was lamenting about "the girls of nowadays" who give the mother-in-laws (mil) a very hard time. I told her not to generalise things as not all people are like that.  I know some people who used to say they pray their mil are dead by the time they marry the spouse and I would say to them, your son's wife too might be praying that prayer so shut up.  Maybe because I specialised in psychiatry or it's just me as a person I tend to make extra allowance for people. I don't believe anyone is the devil, we all have different upbringing so what your mum expects is totally different from what your mil expects. My mil is a bundle of love (anyone who knows her can testify). I remember when I first got married she would lie on the bed with the capt and I, she would hold me and peck me. From my background, we rarely hug or peck, we know we love each other but hey, keep body conta...

THE PERFECT MARRIAGE It's almost time for the special lover's day. And people usually go all out to make it special (although I doubt this would be the case this year as this is Buhari economy, you manage what you get mbok). This brings into question: What is a perfect marriage or relationship?  The marriage where the husband dotes on his wife or the one where they go on dates every Friday night or the ones where they can't keep their hands off each other? The marriages of happily ever after?  Now I ask is there is really happily ever after? Isn't that a fairly tale we grew up believing?  Growing up, i knew  mum dated date from her prelim (pre-degree) till she left uni and they got married. Mum used to tell (until she had grandkids) dad that if he died before her, she would die 17 days after and his kids would be orphans. So he should respect himself and not die young (like it was his choice) and she was very serious. I'm like...

DEAR SINGLE LADIES I'm sure you will be wondering why I have 2 posts for women. Well I'm a woman and I know how we think. I can't think for men so I only write my opinion.  Today is for the single ladies! All the single ladies. Lol. Not all just some, majority of the single girls in my dearest Lagos and Nigeria These are my thoughts, the dearest men you chase after and the older generation.  Being single isn't a crime. Honestly I mean it, if you haven't found the right guy no need to run around looking for "The One". Being single may be scary, no one to run to in time of need, no one to talk to through out the night, but being single doesn't mean you will die. It's best to be single that to be in a wrong relationship. There is no need running from pillar to post, from church to church, one baba to another Alfa.  When entering a relationship, do so with the belief that it may not lead to marriage. There are some pe...

DEAR MARRIED WOMEN.  So it won't be that I attacked men last blog post (read here)  http://thismarriagething.blogspot.com.ng/2017/01/dear-men.html?m=1  and left the women.  Today I come for the married women!!! It's a rather long read. I'm a woman and I understand the working of women better than that of men and I obviously have heard more stories of women's vices.  Dear Married woman,  Yes, you, custodian of the ring! From Miss to Mrs.  You left the singlehood last week and you wake up and start advising your single friend on how to act right in order to snap up a man. If I hear. Because you have a ring on your finger does not make you more responsible or more righteous than the single girl next door.  Or you say, oh I don't hang with single people so they don't corrupt me. Hello!!! Are you so gullible that the next person can influence you?  Then you believe everyone is out to get your man. Any female around him beco...

DEAR MEN!! Dear men, Yeah!! You!! Especially the African men. Most especially the Nigerian men, the Lagos boys!! Yes. I'm talking about you!! Stop 🛑!!!  I look around and see our parents and I wonder where it all went wrong. We see our mothers living solely for their kids and God. No plans with their husbands. I see a lot of older women who can't for the life of them be bothered with their spouses. You hear " eh he has gone out again, I'm going out. There is food in the house" or the painful ones " he wasted his youth on those strays and expects me to sit with him now in his old age that he is sick. Never!!" We have our mothers who haven't been to Nigeria in years. They have relocated to "the abroad" or wherever their kids are. They haven't seen their spouses in years and grumble whenever he visits them. They have built a life that doesn't involve him. They are married but separated from the husband.  This u...

TO STAY OR LEAVE!  Being a veteran in marriage for my age as I have been married the longest amongst my friends. This is strangely amazing as I always assumed I'll get married around 32 or be a single mum to mixed race twins via ivf.  Anyway I digress, a regular conversation I have with people is how tired they are of their marriage and how they want to walk away from it all.  Usually my first question is does he/she (yes! A she can be the abuser, check my last post) abuse you? Physically, emotionally, sexually or even financially. If the answer is yes to any of these, then my response is run as fast as your legs can carry you.  But most times the answer is no. The usual answers are there is no more love between us, he/she cheated, I'm just fed up.  So I'll address this individually in different posts. There is no more love between us. He/she isn't the person I married. The fact is marriage is different from just dating where you can come...

CONNED BY THE SPOUSE Hello from the other side!!! What do you do when you marry someone and find out they are not who they portray themselves to be?  Today we talk about Esther who wants to know what to do as she has discovered she was conned by her husband.  Esther was born into a Christian family. She is a God fearing and devout Christian. She is also a member of the work force in her church. Being a worker, she tends to meet a lot of people in church and she is part of the ushering team.  One day, Esther meets Mr A who seems like a nice guy and had only recently started attending her church. He would attend services some weeks and then some weeks, he would go mia (missing in action). One Sunday, Esther jokingly harasses him about not attending church regularly. Mr A says he is an oil worker who works on the rig so his job involves rotation. Mr A asks for her number and they keep in touch.  Mr A starts calling regularly. He then asked Esther out o...