THIS MARRIAGE THING

SINGLE MOTHERS I admire single mothers. No matter hard much we say it's not, it's truly a man's world especially in Africa. Adulting is hard. Parenting is expensive and time consuming. Now doing it alone, is an Herculean task.  I have mentioned several times about my dream of having mixed race babies (thanks to the Capt, that dream didn't come true, I should get pikin 1 and 2 to start wearing contacts).  I believe this dream may have come from the fact I'm Yoruba. As a Yoruba girl when you get to a certain age and you are unmarried, you will hear "ti o ba marry, sha bi omo" meaning if you don't get marry, at least have a child. The Yoruba tribe believes that having a kid is very important. If you don't have the luck of getting married, oh by all means, do have a child "so you will have a companion in your old age". I have friends who are non-Yorubas who believe our parents are indulgent of promiscuity as it's a norm to see a s...

Hello guys, it's been a minute. I apologize. The life I chose as a doctor involves many exams. So I have been reading a lot of late. My life is: work, workout (if I can), then I hit the books. Wish me luck in my exams and say a prayer for me.  So I come out of my hiatus to address the issue of the wailing wailers (as I like to address them). I have gotten a couple of rather "public messages" talking about the significant other cheating. I was going to ignore but I realized I'm not the only who is probably going through this and said to share some "tips" to deal with it. This isn't only for women or married couples, I believe it cuts across all board.  As annoying and upsetting as it seems, you need to ask yourself a few questions.  1. Is it true? So whatever allegation is made, is it really true. I'm obviously not "Pastor Mrs" Suleman who says you will know when your significant other is cheating. But you need to ask yourself ...

HOW TO DEAL WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE! So I got added to this group of just females which is meant to be an empowerment group. People are free to post whatever is bothering them. We have some people post about their marriage affairs, cheating spouses etc. They ask for advices and people give all sorts of advice. Sometimes I read and laugh, praying whoever did write the post doesn't take heed to their advice. For me, this is my own two cents about dealing with a cheating spouse. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY.  Hey, no one knows your spouse as much as you do, no one knows where you tied your matter together. So don't feel like people will think you are letting him/her too easy bf forgiving immediately. It's your own spouse not the world's spouse.  YOU ARE ALLOWED TO RUN MENTAL.  That being said, you can go nuts for a short period of time. Just the day or the next after you find out, you can scream or shout the house down (so far the kids are not home)....

THE IN-LAWS This post was brought about by a recent argument with the mothership. She was lamenting about "the girls of nowadays" who give the mother-in-laws (mil) a very hard time. I told her not to generalise things as not all people are like that.  I know some people who used to say they pray their mil are dead by the time they marry the spouse and I would say to them, your son's wife too might be praying that prayer so shut up.  Maybe because I specialised in psychiatry or it's just me as a person I tend to make extra allowance for people. I don't believe anyone is the devil, we all have different upbringing so what your mum expects is totally different from what your mil expects. My mil is a bundle of love (anyone who knows her can testify). I remember when I first got married she would lie on the bed with the capt and I, she would hold me and peck me. From my background, we rarely hug or peck, we know we love each other but hey, keep body conta...

THE PERFECT MARRIAGE It's almost time for the special lover's day. And people usually go all out to make it special (although I doubt this would be the case this year as this is Buhari economy, you manage what you get mbok). This brings into question: What is a perfect marriage or relationship?  The marriage where the husband dotes on his wife or the one where they go on dates every Friday night or the ones where they can't keep their hands off each other? The marriages of happily ever after?  Now I ask is there is really happily ever after? Isn't that a fairly tale we grew up believing?  Growing up, i knew  mum dated date from her prelim (pre-degree) till she left uni and they got married. Mum used to tell (until she had grandkids) dad that if he died before her, she would die 17 days after and his kids would be orphans. So he should respect himself and not die young (like it was his choice) and she was very serious. I'm like...

DEAR SINGLE LADIES I'm sure you will be wondering why I have 2 posts for women. Well I'm a woman and I know how we think. I can't think for men so I only write my opinion.  Today is for the single ladies! All the single ladies. Lol. Not all just some, majority of the single girls in my dearest Lagos and Nigeria These are my thoughts, the dearest men you chase after and the older generation.  Being single isn't a crime. Honestly I mean it, if you haven't found the right guy no need to run around looking for "The One". Being single may be scary, no one to run to in time of need, no one to talk to through out the night, but being single doesn't mean you will die. It's best to be single that to be in a wrong relationship. There is no need running from pillar to post, from church to church, one baba to another Alfa.  When entering a relationship, do so with the belief that it may not lead to marriage. There are some pe...

DEAR MARRIED WOMEN.  So it won't be that I attacked men last blog post (read here)  http://thismarriagething.blogspot.com.ng/2017/01/dear-men.html?m=1  and left the women.  Today I come for the married women!!! It's a rather long read. I'm a woman and I understand the working of women better than that of men and I obviously have heard more stories of women's vices.  Dear Married woman,  Yes, you, custodian of the ring! From Miss to Mrs.  You left the singlehood last week and you wake up and start advising your single friend on how to act right in order to snap up a man. If I hear. Because you have a ring on your finger does not make you more responsible or more righteous than the single girl next door.  Or you say, oh I don't hang with single people so they don't corrupt me. Hello!!! Are you so gullible that the next person can influence you?  Then you believe everyone is out to get your man. Any female around him beco...