THIS MARRIAGE THING

This is a guest writer's post.  We have lost a lot of people recently. Just a few weeks ago, my colleague asked for permission to leave work and by the end of the day, he was dead, 2 weeks ago, a young man died coming from a wedding, a friend lost her husband this week. This made me very aware of my mortality (not like I wasn't aware of it before) but it makes it very real. It also got me thinking ..... is it all worth it?  What is life really all about? Is it all about the needs? The hate or the constant pressure to be liked and accepted in this life? Or is it about the need to be validated or seen as the baddest that liveth? When do we start focusing on ourselves, focusing on making a difference, touching lives and making people remember us for our good deeds no matter how small.  We really don't we know how much time we have left... we are all on borrowed time ...  Let's mend all the fences, life is too short to sweat the small stuff, all of it wo...

So I had lunch with the best girls and Mr I, a few weeks back. After a few jabs, we got talking about life in general. Mr I's opinion was that this institution of marriage is a scam. The best girl rolled her eyes at her significant other. In his words "which of the great ones in the bible had a proper marriage?" Not David nor Abraham! He went further to say, "people are sold a lie about marriage". He also believes the reason most marriages fail is because we are sold great expectations! We marry with the belief our spouses are meant to be our best friends, be there for us, give to us in the same measure as we give to them. He said he hears this some many times "I gave up this for this marriage"; " I have done so much for this person"; "Is this the thanks I get". He believes that marriage shouldn't be restrictive and you should be able to achieve your goals even when married.  This got me thinking, serious soul searching...

SINGLE MOTHERS I admire single mothers. No matter hard much we say it's not, it's truly a man's world especially in Africa. Adulting is hard. Parenting is expensive and time consuming. Now doing it alone, is an Herculean task.  I have mentioned several times about my dream of having mixed race babies (thanks to the Capt, that dream didn't come true, I should get pikin 1 and 2 to start wearing contacts).  I believe this dream may have come from the fact I'm Yoruba. As a Yoruba girl when you get to a certain age and you are unmarried, you will hear "ti o ba marry, sha bi omo" meaning if you don't get marry, at least have a child. The Yoruba tribe believes that having a kid is very important. If you don't have the luck of getting married, oh by all means, do have a child "so you will have a companion in your old age". I have friends who are non-Yorubas who believe our parents are indulgent of promiscuity as it's a norm to see a s...

Hello guys, it's been a minute. I apologize. The life I chose as a doctor involves many exams. So I have been reading a lot of late. My life is: work, workout (if I can), then I hit the books. Wish me luck in my exams and say a prayer for me.  So I come out of my hiatus to address the issue of the wailing wailers (as I like to address them). I have gotten a couple of rather "public messages" talking about the significant other cheating. I was going to ignore but I realized I'm not the only who is probably going through this and said to share some "tips" to deal with it. This isn't only for women or married couples, I believe it cuts across all board.  As annoying and upsetting as it seems, you need to ask yourself a few questions.  1. Is it true? So whatever allegation is made, is it really true. I'm obviously not "Pastor Mrs" Suleman who says you will know when your significant other is cheating. But you need to ask yourself ...

HOW TO DEAL WITH A CHEATING SPOUSE! So I got added to this group of just females which is meant to be an empowerment group. People are free to post whatever is bothering them. We have some people post about their marriage affairs, cheating spouses etc. They ask for advices and people give all sorts of advice. Sometimes I read and laugh, praying whoever did write the post doesn't take heed to their advice. For me, this is my own two cents about dealing with a cheating spouse. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY.  Hey, no one knows your spouse as much as you do, no one knows where you tied your matter together. So don't feel like people will think you are letting him/her too easy bf forgiving immediately. It's your own spouse not the world's spouse.  YOU ARE ALLOWED TO RUN MENTAL.  That being said, you can go nuts for a short period of time. Just the day or the next after you find out, you can scream or shout the house down (so far the kids are not home)....

THE IN-LAWS This post was brought about by a recent argument with the mothership. She was lamenting about "the girls of nowadays" who give the mother-in-laws (mil) a very hard time. I told her not to generalise things as not all people are like that.  I know some people who used to say they pray their mil are dead by the time they marry the spouse and I would say to them, your son's wife too might be praying that prayer so shut up.  Maybe because I specialised in psychiatry or it's just me as a person I tend to make extra allowance for people. I don't believe anyone is the devil, we all have different upbringing so what your mum expects is totally different from what your mil expects. My mil is a bundle of love (anyone who knows her can testify). I remember when I first got married she would lie on the bed with the capt and I, she would hold me and peck me. From my background, we rarely hug or peck, we know we love each other but hey, keep body conta...

THE PERFECT MARRIAGE It's almost time for the special lover's day. And people usually go all out to make it special (although I doubt this would be the case this year as this is Buhari economy, you manage what you get mbok). This brings into question: What is a perfect marriage or relationship?  The marriage where the husband dotes on his wife or the one where they go on dates every Friday night or the ones where they can't keep their hands off each other? The marriages of happily ever after?  Now I ask is there is really happily ever after? Isn't that a fairly tale we grew up believing?  Growing up, i knew  mum dated date from her prelim (pre-degree) till she left uni and they got married. Mum used to tell (until she had grandkids) dad that if he died before her, she would die 17 days after and his kids would be orphans. So he should respect himself and not die young (like it was his choice) and she was very serious. I'm like...